Move over shitty committee!

Many of the people who come to coaching do so because they feel something is missing from their life.

Perhaps they want a new career, better relationships with their family members, more friends, some direction in life after the kids have gone.

Each person is unique, as are their circumstances. But as we unpick what they truly want and need in life, we often discover some deep rooted thoughts or behaviours which are getting in the way of them reaching their goals.

Careers are a classic example of this.

Imposter syndrome can be lurking in the background, often triggered by an event in childhood which made the person question their ability. Maybe a teacher criticised them, or a parent laughed at their ambition. Deep in their subconscious, they may feel they are not worthy of the job they've applied for or the career they dream of. So they plod along, not applying for that role, not believing in themselves. Feeding their unhappiness.

Sometimes its a series of events which have led them to have a critical view of themselves, such as failed interviews.

Failed...now there's a word. Which leads me to the point of this blog.

We can turn around the language we use in our heads to give it a more positive frame. That can have the knock on effect of helping us to think more highly of ourselves, or that a 'failure' is actually an opportunity.

Let's take an interview as an example.

We've applied for the job, got the interview, then on the day we've done our best to showcase what we're capable of. Then, that dreaded call. You don't want to answer as you fear rejection. You pick it up to hear the words, "We're sorry, but on this occasion you weren't successful."

It's a huge blow. Rejection is sitting there on your shoulder, along with all the baggage its accumulated along the way. Sure, it's disappointing. You put hours into the application, prepping for the interview, practicing that presentation. You believed in yourself and know you were capable of that job.

What happens next for you? To quote The Grinch, do you wallow in self pity? Convince yourself you weren't worthy of that job afterall. That you're rubbish and will never get a job?

One way to turn this around is to knock the 'shitty committee' off your shoulder and focus on the positives.

• You've had a chance to practice and hone your interview skills

• It isn't personal - there was simply someone who was able to show they were better for the job

• Perhaps the universe has something better lined up for you

• Applying and interviewing for this role has made you realise it really is something you want to do so you're going to keep on trying

This technique is something we often use in coaching and is known as reframing.

If there's something happening in your life which feels negative, try changing the language you use to put a positive frame on it. Take a piece of paper and create two colums. Write down those negative thoughts in one column, and then alongside it, use language to reframe the sentence to make it positive.

Here are some examples:

• I'll never get my dream job = This is my dream job and I'm going to persevere until I get it

• I'm rubbish at interviews = I'm not confident with my interview skills but I have the power to do something about this and am going to learn more and practice until it comes easier

• I don't have the skills for that job = I don't currently have the skills but I'm going to create a plan to get them as I want that job

Remember, you're in charge of your own thought processes. When you're down in the dumps it can be hard to reframe, but it's possible. Give it a go and let me know how you get on.